So I have social anxiety, and I've had it for most of my life. Fear of people, a fear of public places. Combined with depression (what I used to think was just depression) I spent a good deal of my life in isolation. Last year I started attending group activities at my mental health clinic in earnest. It was time, I reasoned, I stop being a wimp and start working towards improvement. Get a life back, or as best a life as I could.
Well, we wound up with a new activities coordinator who picked up on my constant talk about knitting and crochet, and how much the hobbies have helped me as far as mental health improvement. And the devious, wicked woman thought teaching a class on one of those skills would be a great idea. Normally I'd have said no. I don't like taking a leader position, I don't like being the center of attention (despite wanting often to be the center of attention.) I get frustrated easily when people don't pick up on something as quickly as I feel I do. But... my improvements in my mental health were at a plateau. It was time to push.
So, I am now leading a knitting class every other Wednesday at the clinic for other clients using their services. It's nerve wracking. I'm exhausted by the end. But so far, two people have picked up the skill successfully, and one has relearned how much she used to enjoy the craft. And I am amazed that I was the catalyst in those three instances.
I also have a place now to donate yarn when I go through it to destash. I brought in a bag of yarn suitable for hats and scarves yesterday, so people who want to dabble can do so without spending hard-to-come-by cash. Many clients at the clinic are low income, and I figured, if I'm just going to get rid of it, but it's decent stuff, why not make it available to those I'm teaching? The less than ideal stuff I can give to the quilting group at the clinic to tie off their quilts. The one lady was so appreciative to get enough yarn to make a scarf yesterday, she couldn't wait to start working on it. She was repeatedly petting her work and the skein, enjoying the softness of it after working with cotton for two weeks.
I also had a huge confidence boost by how quickly the new attendee picked up casting on and knitting yesterday. I think having worked with string and knots helped her, and she seemed to have a strong ability to think abstractly, which helped her figure out how to match my hand motions. I checked up on her now and then, and told her a few times to let the dropped stitches or accidental extra loops go. Learning the hand motions was more important right now than making a perfect dish cloth. Working on it at home may be difficult for her though, as she doesn't have access to Youtube videos to help remind her.
I would like to introduce a charity activity this Spring to work on, and then we could all pick out yarn for it and work on it for a few sessions. I know there's a call to "knit your bit" and make scarves for veterans, a good item to donate in fall. There is always a call for baby items, though premie items require some extra thought behind materials. The hospital in the town the clinic is in has a blanket program that I believe provides yarn. We could even take a hint from the quilt group, and make hat and scarf sets to provide as prizes for the annual Christmas party. (The quilt group provides a bunch of quilts as door prizes to the clinic's Christmas party every year.)
I think, once everyone feels they have a good grasp on things, giving a project idea with a community oriented goal can be a big help in boosting confidence and self esteem, as well as provide the relaxation and calming benefits of just enjoying knitting. And it would certainly help me to have a certain skill set to teach to prepare my class for such a task. I like having an end goal, even though the event coordinator was just happy with the idea of learning a new skill. Sometimes, when you're living on charity, government aid, and such yourself, you feel like you're always taking. Being able to give back is a huge thing, and I want to give people an opportunity to do just that.
Pretty big dreams for someone afraid of being out and around other people. Pretty big accomplishments, too. Being brave, after all, doesn't mean not being afraid. It just means, being afraid, but doing it anyway. And I've gotten really good at "doing it anyway" when it's important. Helping other people learn a skill that allows them to in turn help more people, to me, is probably a bigger, more important task than even my 30 day challenge. I mean, I'm one person, and helping myself is good and important. But passing on my skills to benefit those around me and give them the opportunity to extend that even further into the community... that's one massive set of ripples to set in motion.
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