So, this is definitely a real period this time. I don't know why I had the weird emotional thing two weeks ago, with bloating and other PMS symptoms, but right now I'm just... ugh. At least the cramps have stopped. I was kind of hoping for a less dramatic cycle. The emotions before this period hit were so wishy-washy. My cat could sneeze and I'd find it so adorable I'd be moved to tears. And now I'm bleeding so much I have little energy after the last couple days. I need a steak... bloody... covered in butter....
I noticed my cravings for carbs has gone way up. I ate a bunch of raisins last night. How bad is it when your brain thinks raisins are a cheat food? I'm not too broke up over it. Things in my body go haywire when I get to this time of the month. I'm just glad I didn't get suicidal like I've been in the past. My ovaries are evil, I tell you.
I'm finishing off some tea from last night before I make my coffee. I still prefer it plain over flavored. I say, if the beans are really good, the coffee should be black. The butter just kind of balances any acidity, I find.
I've been looking at coffee subscription boxes and mail order coffee, to get fresher roasted beans. But looking at the prices, I may as well get my beans at the local Dunn Bros cafe, who roast their beans pretty much daily. They have a wide variety of origins, and usually have one on special or featured every month. I can be a bit of a coffee snob... but I find I love a fresh bag of coffee, and they have pretty good coffee there.
Speaking of coffee, just finished the tea and brewed my butter coffee!
While I don't flavor the coffee itself, that light sprinkle of cinnamon on top gives a nice aroma. The brand I've been drinking is Equal Exchange, I believe. The roast is somewhere between a medium and a dark. I usually buy espresso roasted beans, because most grocery brands just taste meh and the burnt flavor helps mask that. But I'm trying to get used to lighter roasted coffee, as when I buy my next bag, I plan to get a lighter roast so I can taste the bean better. Like I said, coffee snob. If only I could afford to be this snobby with beer... ha!
I found I was a little more playful with the kitty than normal. I shocked her when I wiggled my fingers under my blankets. She was all for playing, turns out. I figured, whatever got her to stop meowing for her breakfast and let me linger in bed a little longer was fine by me. Right now I'm still not fully awake and chipper like I usually am. I'm by no means a grouch right now, but I don't have a skip in my step. Actually, I haven't walked easily since this period started. I'm wondering if this is going to be a monthly setback- bleed for a week, not be able to walk any distance. Stupid bloating.
I ate a lot of ribs yesterday, pretty much every meal. I have 2 of 6 portions left. That recipe from the Wild Diet book was so amazing! The cauliflower was pretty good, but here's a tip: Let your cauliflower dry out a bit before blending them up and they won't get as soupy. I blended mine in 2 batches. The second batch was allowed to dry out longer and didn't get as soupy as the first batch. A little garlic or maybe some homemade ranch herb blend could help with the flavor too, if you normally augment mashed potatoes. I would add chopped onions next time, and maybe a light sprinkle of cheese.
Tonight I don't know what to do about dinner. I could stop at the grocery for ginger and do gingered pork chops, also from the book. I love ginger. But I think I'm more likely to eat the leftovers. I really don't want to go anywhere, today. I do have plenty of steaks in the freezer, as well, if I do decide to cook a meat tonight. I guess I'll have to see what my mood dictates.
Well, 5 more days until the 30 Day Challenge is over. I've done alright, I think. I haven't fallen off the bandwagon, which is amazing. I've tripped up a couple times with the carbs. I've had my cheat meals. But I'm still lighter than I started 25 days ago. 20 pounds lighter is nothing to sneeze at. And not only am I physically lighter, I'm emotionally lighter, as well. I've gained back mobility that I thought I'd lost forever. I gained self confidence, a sense of willpower, a sense of self worth, a sense of hope. If I don't get lazy and fall back on convenience foods, I can keep down this path and never look back again at my attempt to get surgery last summer.
I feel I've quieted down a bit as far as wanting to tell everyone about this "Amazing New Diet" I discovered. I still want to share what I've learned, but I'm not so compelled to gush about it every time I open my mouth. I'm starting to look beyond the 30 days, and there is a lifetime stretching out before me. I don't want this to end on March 1st. I feel too good. I eat too well. Life is too good now to go back to Nutter Butter cookies and pints of brownie fudge chunk ice cream for dinner.
Can I eventually do a half marathon, myself? Could I eventually run again? Is there some kind of physical challenge fundraising event I can eventually join, if I work hard enough at improving my health? There are so many causes I would walk for. Running seems like a dream. Could I jump rope again some day? Play hop scotch like a kid again?
Could I go into any store of my choosing, and pick a garment off the rack and have it fit? Could I toss out every fat clothing catalog I get, at some point, and wear clothes that hang correctly on me instead? Fitted clothing? Clothing that isn't tent-like, or designed for big bosoms with small stomachs?
And then there's the confidence boosts with every small victory. Those are the best part of going on this challenge. After I reached out and touched God's Rocking Chair, I was smiling for days after. I can't believe I did that a week ago, and I still want to share my triumph with my friends and family. There's the boost from being able to stick to something for more than a fortnight. There's a gain in confidence in my cooking skills, because everything has been delicious- even my kitchen experiments.
Everyone on the challenge, we have 5 days left to make it count. Work hard, and even if your scale isn't budging (mine slowed down so much over the last 3 weeks, I'd be surprised if I lost a full pound by Sunday) look at other aspects of your life and performance for signs of improvement. How are your clothes fitting? Have you improved climbing up stairs? How is your concentration compared to before the challenge? There are so many more markers to improving health than a number on the scale. Scales provide a relative number, but not a good indication of what ratios compose that number. But being able to fit into clothes that were tight a month ago, or taking a long flight of stairs without being winded- those are huge markers, and just as visible and worthy of appreciation.
So keep that in mind over the next 5 days, and good luck as we push for what could be the greatest life change we've adopted- one that allows us more time with loved ones, more freedom to make the most of that time, and more confidence in ourselves.
(I think I may be getting my writing groove back, after the location change.)
I like your outlook. Keep up the good work by reaching beyond.
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